well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
