idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
