Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He better not be in your backpack
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
