hell yes lets make some ravioli
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
