omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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