Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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