i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
