So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
