i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She's better-looking with the mask on.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
