winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
