garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
