apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
