i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
