you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
