Define "chronic" masturbator.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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