i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
