Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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