i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
