During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
