Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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