Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think my vagina is haunted
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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