M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
