cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
