Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
