I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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