Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
