just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i drank out of a bidet.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
