i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
