I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
