do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
