I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
