she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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