Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
