i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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