I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
