I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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