why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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