OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
