i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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