Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
