That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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