I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
