is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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