I didn't shave. On purpose
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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