I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
