This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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