Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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