sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
