As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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