You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
