he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I wish there were birth control emojis
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
